We asked our spouses what it was like being married to an author and got a variety of responses. Support for us was a theme that ran through them all. Even when our passion for writing threatens to take over our lives, our spouses are there for us.
Read on to hear what they had to say.
Eric, Marvin’s husband
What’s it like being married to an author?
EM: Being married to an author is no different than any other person. It’s a job, though it is a secondary job. The hours are not set however. It’s whenever inspiration hits so it can be during the day or late at night.
What’s the most challenging part about being married to an author?
EM: It can be a challenge keeping track of all the events that we go to for promotion and seeking books.
As a spouse of an author, what is the one major thing (good or bad) you wished you knew ahead of time about book publishing?
EM: I wish I knew how poorly publishers are at editing and promotion.
Mark, Scott’s husband
I met my husband in 1992. One of the first things he shared with me was his passion for writing, though it wasn’t until about 15 years ago he decided it was time to get serious about unleashing all the stories that had been percolating in his imagination but were placed on the back burner.
What started as an occasional writing hour soon became a daily event. Then he discovered there were other queer authors all over the Sacramento region, so he used his sharply honed organizational talents to build a community for them. He tapped into an obvious need because the author group took off. Then came the regular meetings of this new community, soon after followed readings at our local LGBTQ library, which spread to other venues. Then the group decided they would man booths at Pride and related events (there are so many booths…ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!).
Suddenly we were on a new path paved side-by-side with our already very busy life. I wasn’t sure I was up to this new venture but I ran it through my “what’s important to him is important to me” filter, and decided to go in whole hog. I’m really glad I made that decision because together we’ve met some amazing people through his author connections, many of whom have become good friends over the years.
Still, we have ‘lively’ discussions about the number and frequency of commitments when it comes to all-things-books, but everything considered I’d rather be a writer’s wingman than a wordsmith’s widower.
When I said ‘I Do’, who knew this is what I’d be doing. Though it does have its pay-offs. After all, ‘if I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t have done it’ (thank you for that one, Patsy Stone!).
Knowing what I know now, would I play this tune all over again? With this man, I’d put it on auto-repeat!
Aaron, Bel’s husband
disclaimer: in addition to being an author spouse, he’s also a writer 😉
Scene
INT: a contemporary kitchen, cutlery and vegetables on the counter, water boiling on the stove. Evening light slants through a window.
Me, chopping tomatoes: “I read your newsletter this morning, before work.”
Spouse, at the stove: “What’d you think? Was it too long, or too short? Did I come off preachy and pedantic? I wanted to keep writing, but everyone says more than two hundred words is a waste of time. I should probably just do Insta posts with captions.”
Me: *blink-blink* “I mean, you’ve published three novels that are close to seventy-five thousand words each. I think your readers can stomach a little over two hundred for a newsletter.”
Spouse: “But that’s leisure reading. People sit down to do that. Newsletters and blog posts have to be easy to digest, short and to the point.”
I slide the chopped tomatoes into a bowl beside the stovetop, then take out the eggplants.
Spouse: “My click-through rate is pretty close to average, so I guess I’m doing something right.”
Me, carefully wrapping my arms around spouse’s waist, and leaning my chin on their shoulder: “You’re doing a lot of things right. Thanks for having me along for the ride.”
My late husband Darryl was impossibly supportive! Our evenings became the routine where we’d snuggle up on the couch with our laptops and the tv on, him checking the baseball stats, me typing the latest story. It made the effort a sheer delight!